November 30, 2006

Flame Throwers

Last night, I went to one of those bars where girls get up on the bar and dance. Sometimes, they take off their bras. And then they hang up them behind the bar. Every single time I have been to one of these bars? A girl has wanted to go there. Maybe it’s because in these bars guys are treated like shit(I once was heckled for my slow dancing with my friend). There are unwritten rules in these places. For instance, do not ask for water. If you ask for water, one of a couple of things will happen. If you are lucky, they will simply scowl or yell at you. But if the bartenders are feeling surly(and they always are), they will take their little spray gun and spray you with water. Also, they have bullhorns.

By the way guys, if you are reading this and thinking, I would like to go to a bar like this, don’t go to Coyote Ugly. Word to the wise, the most you’re going to get is girls clicking their boots on the bar. And the bartenders seem to hate men with a passion. At least at the others in the Meatpacking district, the view is nicer on the bar, more clothes come off, and the bartenders don’t seem to completely hate men. They just want to treat them like Estella done Pip so long ago.

(Sidenote: If you’ve ever seen the movie, Coyote Ugly, you know how hilarious it is. Because this girl comes to the big city and “makes it” by working at a bar where you wear skimpy clothes and dance on the bar. She is also a songwriter. Somehow this gels in the movie.)

Sometimes they do interesting things like this one girl lights the bar on fire with some alcohol and then she also breathes fire at one point. As Heather said, “It’s pretty interesting the first five or six times.” Later, a bartender danced on the bar with a beer bottle in her crotch and then pretended to jizz all over this guy in front of her. See what I’m talking about guys? These places are fun for girls but not for guys. It seems like it would be. But it’s not. It’s like visiting the Isle of Lesbos I’d imagine. Lots of action but none of it for you.


  1. Frannie Parker

    Feral women scare me too, Nate.

  2. Nate

    didn’t you work in a bar like that for one night?

  3. Frannie Parker

    It’s true, but I wasn’t a big enough whore. This one filty stranger showed me pictues of his grandchildren after fondling a latina’s enormous bosom for money, and some horny dude shoved one dollar bills into my short shorts while asking me to be his girlfriend. Needless to say I took a shower and moved back to New Hampshire.

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