May 19, 2016

Styles of Slicing Cheese, an essay

I went to the grocery store last night and bought some cheese from the deli. The woman asked me how would I like it sliced, “Sandwich style?” The question threw me as I couldn’t imagine any other style you’d slice it. After taking the night to think about it, I came up with some other options:

–Sandwich style(for the expressed purpose of constructing sandwiches)
Hockeypuck style(for using as a makeshift hockey puck*)(*cold weather only not recommended for street hockey)
–Uneven table wedge style
–Block style(for stacking or learning alphabet, consumer’s choice)
–Sandwich board style*(for putting on the outside of a person using a sandwich board)(*not for sandwiches)
–paper thin prank style(for convincing people that it’s paper but joke’s on them because it’s really cheese)
–cheese saber style*(used for cheese saber fights)(*cold weather recommended but we understand cheese saber fights break out all times of year)
–cheese wave style(made to look like a wave as if there was an ocean of cheese that was manipulated by the moon to causes tides which would result in a wave of cheese, would look good in a cheese aquarium but probably look silly in a cheese terrarium)
–cheese cloth style*(for sewing purposes and manufacture of cheese related garments)(*not for prank purposes)
–cheesus style*(cheese made to look like Jesus)(*possibly irreverent, but mostly playful as Jesus had a sense of humor too. He would recognize his name sounds a lot like cheese.)

These are the only ways to slice cheese.

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