December 17, 2010

Song du Jour: “January 6th”

Here is a special holiday edition of Song du Jour! It’s officially #23 of the year. It’s called “January 6th”. I wrote it thinking about the song “12 Days Of Christmas” and what a lame song that is. First off, it’s freakin’ long! And second off, why would anyone ever give their lover all these weird ass gifts? So I decided to write a song from the perspective of the guy who’s sending those gifts. And on the first day…. she hates them.

January 6th
On the first day of Christmas, my true love said to me,
“I don’t want to be with you
Could you go somewhere else, please?”

On the 2nd day of Christmas
When I crashed on the couch of my friend
He said, “Get rid of all these animals
The place just smells like shit”

On the 3rd day of Christmas
I packed up the doves, the partridge, and the hens.
Built a tree hen house, in the pear tree
But it broke and fell just then

On the 4th day of Christmas
We held a funeral for Scout, Dill, and Jem
Those were the names of the hens
I named them after To Kill A Mockingbird
Never knowing we’d kill them when

On the 5th day of Christmas
The calling birds I bought
They convinced me to text you in the middle of the night
That’s always their advice for everything
“Just call, just call, just call!”
That’s the only thing they think to ever do at all

On the 6th day of Christmas
I picked up these stray geese
I felt sorry, they were pregnant
And their ganders up and left them

On the 7th day of Christmas
I gathered up some swans
I figured you could always use more birds
They’d look good on the lawn

On the 8th day of Christmas
I hit a milk maids after work bar
And these gals just took a shine to me
Guess they really dug the guitar

On the 9th day of Christmas
Each milkmaid called a friend
And one of the friends were twins
So we hung out with them
And we all got drunk and screwed
And I dreamed that they were you(But they weren’t)

On the 10th day of Christmas
the chicks they called some dudes
And they had these fancy names
But I think they made them up
So they could get them nude

On the 11th day of Christmas
the dudes hired a band
but it was a flute band
Is anything more annoying than a flute band?
I found out there is.

Because on the 12th day of Christmas
The dudes made some friends
With a drum circle
I couldn’t go to sleep

And on the day after Christmas, I mean January 6th
I left that crew by the side of the road
Put my thumb out and hitched

All the way back to you
In Mazda ZX Coupe

All I know I’m no good at gifts
I’ve no idea what you like
I just bought a bunch of stuff I saw
And hoped that I was right

But I just bought some gum
And thought that we could kiss
On January 6th
On January 6th

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