Snowjobs

Every year some wag references the famous editorial where some young girl wrote the New York Sun and asked “Is there a Santa Claus?”. Well, you know how it started out. It always reminds me that my friend once went out with a guy who claimed that guy(see left) was his grandfather. Maybe great-grandfather. This happened in 1897 so it must be at least his grand grandfather. Anyway, I think that is such a great little fact to make up to impress a girl. Isn’t it? I mean, who’s going to check that?

The reason that I think that he might have made it up or that he was at least a seriously creepy guy was he had a tattoo on his arm. “That’s not so creepy,” you say. I agree with you. No, it’s not. But what if I told you he had a picture of his dead grandma tattooed on his arm. “That’s only just odd, if not a little sweet,” you say. And I’d say yes, you’re right. I wouldn’t do it. But it is sorta nice in a way, right? But what if I told you he had a picture of his dead grandma on his arm taken from a picture of his grandma when she was young. And hot. So when you saw his arm, you saw a picture of a hot looking girl. And then you’d ask, “Who’s that?” And then he’d say, “Oh that’s my dead grandma.” What would you say then? “That’s creepy,” you’d say. And I’d agree.

For the record, my great grandfather wrote “Jingle Bells”*.

* He did not, in point of fact, write this. But did you look it up? Be honest girls, you liked it. You told your friends already. Right? Yet another slimy way to impress girls: Q.E.D.