27 Kidneys Video

Here's one of the videos from this week's Maude Show...


Natural Male Enhancement from Lee Rubenstein on Vimeo.

Bathroom Art

Found in Men's Room at Rehearsal Last Night.  It makes me wonder what this person was thinking.  "I really want to STICK it to the drug companies... Wait'll they see THIS!"

I Beat Jarod's Pants Off

Today, I did the Body Test like I normally do on the Wii in the morning and it turned out I lost 17 pounds last night.

I felt pretty good.  

Then I decided to check again just to be sure, and I lost another pound.  Then it asked me to set a new goal so I set it to lose another 20 pounds.  I weighed myself again and in that time, I had lost the 20 pounds.

Then it dawned on me that 1) this was an unhealthy amount of weight to lose so quickly and 2) there was something wrong with my Wii balance board, but mostly 3) how good that new number looked.  

Oh well.  The good people at Nintendo are going to take a look at my board and get it back to me or a new one.  But until then, I am going to tell people I lost 30 pounds today.  

PS.... what will I do now without challenging my trainer in the plank exercise??  I guess I should keep training for when she returns.  

My Top Three Predictions for The Del Close Marathon

Check out my predictions for the marathon along with Besser and D.C. Pierson, and a bunch of other people's thoughts on some shows to see, and tips for staying alive... I mean comfortable in  this post at the Apiary.  

Paper Tiger

Did you see in the news how President Robert Mugabe just changed the currency in Zimbabwe to counter insane inflation there?  They changed it by 10 zeros.  So now, 10,000,000,000 dollars = 1 dollar.  

That's CRAZY!  But prolly a good idea.  But still---now there are going to be lots of former billionaires who are pissed.  

Coming Up Next

I think it's time for a Nate Show Report.

Here's where to get some Nate Shelkey fix for the next week:

TONIGHT!
Dogbasket. Gotham City Improv @ 10 pm

SUNDAY
Dogbasket. Broadway Comedy Club @ 11 pm

WEDNESDAY
Get Psyched! UCB @ 7 pm

THURSDAY
I Hope You Have A Dump Truck. UCB @ 6:30 pm

SATURDAY
The Porter Maison Project in The Moon of Unpaid Gratitude. Del Close at Urban Stages @ 2:15 am

SUNDAY
Dogbasket. Del Close Marathon at UCB @ 6:30 am

TWIB Notes

I'm watching Network today. And it's like watching the original Studio 60. Everything is there. The anchor who goes crazy(Peter Finch/Judd Hirsch in Studio). The young executive who's going to make the ailing show work(Faye Dunnaway/Amanda Peet). The old director who falls for the young executive(William Holden/Bradley Whitford).

But I'm bored. And there's 40 minutes left. And I'm tired of the hahaha, a revolutionary gets corrupted by the network.

This is one of those movies that I felt, I should see this, and it feels like homework. Snoozeville.

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At the elliptical machine at the gym, there's a readout for the number of watts you are producing. Who gives a shit about this? The only reason I could think it would be relevant is if the machine is powered by your electricity. Otherwise, is someone thinking---gee I really need to be producing 200 watts to get a good workout. I don't buy it.

Craptastic Art

I keep meaning to take a picture of this crappy art project outside of the 2nd Avenue F station. (1st Ave side). It's a bunch of wooden boxes meant to resemble the normal gaggle of free newspapers and junky fliers that adjoin a typical New York subway or bus station. It's got all of the colors in there too---the green Metro newspaper one, the red AM New Yorkone(mortal free daily paper enemies!), the yellow writing classes one, and does New York Press have a color? I'm not sure. Anyway, they are all there.

Now, what can this project be about? Is it supposed to trick people into thinking that they are real newspaper dispensers and someone is filming the whole thing? It is supposed to just be some charming piece of art in the front of the subway station? I don't know what their thesis statement was, but if it was to create a giant piece of piss stained trash then they hit the nail on the head.

People keep stuffing trash inside of them and now nearly a month later, they are overflowing. And the artsy creators also chained the boxes to the railing so people can't just haul them off. I'm hoping that some MTA person steps in and burns the shit out of them.

Sorry to be so old man about this but there are so many examples of interesting and engaging New York art on the streets. From Banksy, to Improv Everywhere, to Neckface, the downtown walk signs makeovers to even though odious, interesting---the corporate fake graffitti advertising. This is just a crap idea. From start to finish.

Project Runaway

I once pitched an idea for a fake show called Project Runaway where you had to pick the best Runaway. But this isn't about that. This is about the new season of Project Runway and how they've totally gone overboard on these people. The new crazy is Suede. Suede is a Saturday Night Live version of a Project Runway contestant but he's real. He's bi-sexual and with crazy hair, fake blue faux-hawk, refers to himself in the 3rd person, and likes to make catty, impish comments.

In short, he's destined to win. But he's annoying as all get out. If you thought Christian from last year was bad, prepare for Suede. But there's not just Suede. There's Blayne. Blayne likes to declare things 'licious. Anything can be -licious. Girliscious. Suedeliscious. Timlicious. It doesn't seem to matter. He also decided Heidi is Darth Vader. Reasoning? Because she's all shiny and put together and then cuh-razy on the inside.

How does Blayne know Heidi is crazy? Is Heidi crazy? Am I crazy for not knowing this? I don't think so. And I don't think Heidi is crazy. I think we know who's crazy. Blayne is crazy.

But I will keep watching. Because I am addicted.

In other news, I was excited for Kitchen Nightmares. But alas, it was a repeat. Fall TV, I miss you. I will wait for you. I will walk the widow's walk in anticipation for when you come home and round the bend into the bay that is prime time. I will be faithful. Do not worry. I'll be true to you.

15 Seconds

Here is a 27 Kidneys video that we shot for UCB Comedy.com

Enjoy people of the world!

TEDDY ALERT

My brother-in-law Eric alerted me to this fantastic blog about Teddy's plight and I guess just recently Teddy actually WON! But not in a real race against the President's but rather against the Orioles' bird. Still. Babysteps, Teddy.

For those of you not in the know, or don't remember when I blogged about this before, the Nationals have a race during the game much like the sausage race in Milwaukee. Only instead of sausages, it's presidents. But there is an on running gag where Teddy never wins. (It's George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Lincoln, and Teddy I believe.)

Anyway, EXCITING!

The Dublin Commercial

Here is what I went to Dublin for...

TWIB Notes

--Today was my birthday.

--Yesterday, there was another important birthday; I became an uncle again. A little girl named Lillian Gween Yeo was born on Saturday night. She is my niece!

This is her. She might not look happy about it. But I am.

You Know What I Like?

I like that Microsoft Word after 20 some years, has finally shaken up the world with a new default font. It's no longer that workhorse, Times New Roman. And no, before you mention it, it is no longer the scrappy but seasoned number 2, Arial. No folks, welcome to a new century. It's CAMBRIA!

Change is good.

Kenny Comes To UCB!

Hello faithful readers...

Kenny Mayne is coming to UCB finally. He'll be there this Wednesday @ 9:30 pm. It's $5 par usual and he'll be opening for the show Hot Lather and I Eat Pandas. All of those shows are fabulous. So why wouldn't you come to this? Kenny will be reading from his new book: An Incomplete And Inaccurate History Of Sport.

I guess that's it. Kenny, I have successfully plugged your show. Exciting, right?

TWIB Notes

I cannot stand that commercial that is for some drug where the guy works on models. And then he asks the doctor how they can shrink the problem? The thing that upsets me? His model of the universe is soooo shitty. I mean, this is this guy's job. And yet his model of the universe looks like something I could do in 5th grade. Sidenote: I always hated those kids who did diagrams and models of things. Those aren't science projects! You didn't test anything!

Anyway, and everyone in the thing is ooing and aahing like it's this big accomplishment. Verdict: Dumb commercial.

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I placed two bets for the Preakness today and lost. It was exciting and then not in such a quick period of time. I guess that is what gambling is. It's over so quickly.
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I hate David Archuleta so much. I think I just have a problem with people that seem like everything is great with them. That it's all just smiles and happy faces. I like people to look like they have a little misery in their life. They seem like a more genuine person then. Is that a really awful thing to think? But I do. So I'm down for David Cook for the finals in American Idol. If Archuleta wins, it's a win for Pollyannas everywhere and I think we know that is one more point for evil.
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Huck Slim is up again tonight at Sidewalk Cafe. I am aiming on those people that read my blog incessantly and so will see this an hour before the gig and decide to go. It's going to work. I just know it!

Hard Luck Corner

I just passed by this restaurant on the corner of 7th and 2nd Ave. It's changed! This corner is slightly doomed as everything that has been there was failed and rarely lasted over a year. I think it used to be Sin Sin. Or maybe that's above it. At one time, a guy who ran the place wanted to get people to play there FACING the street to draw foot traffic in. Huck Slim briefly considered the offer than thought better of it when we checked the place out. It was dark, depressing, and creepy.

Then this year, there was a whole lot of construction the whole place was revamped. And then they put up the most garish neon signs that just made it look like strip mall America or dare I say it? Queens. (I love you Queens--you were my first love in NYC, there will always be a place for you in my heart (especially Extra Cheese in Flushing, Donovans and the rest of the pubs in Woodside, and most of all the Bohemia Beer Garden in Astoria) but come on, you love big neon signs more than Manhattan.) It said something like American Diner. How generic can you get?

They clearly spent thousands on the refurb, to make it even more crappy. Puzzling. The best part is they hung a huge sign that said Grand Opening. For like months. Then they took it down. Then they put a bigger sign up that said Grand Opening again. For... months.

Then it seemed like they were actually attracting customers which made me sad. Because I hated the place. Picking a diner on that street is a dumb idea when you already have two diners within blocks of you---the venerable Veselka and the reliable but not-as-nice Moonstruck Diner. Not to mention the esteemed Odessa over on Ave A(I love how there are two Odessas right next to each other. There's the diner. And there's the bar. You can still get most of the food from the diner in the bar, I guess it just depends on what kind of feel you want around you.)

Well, all that has changed because now those signs are gone and it's barely refurnished as an Asian themed restaurant. No grand opening sign yet. I will watch and see what happens but it still looks ugly..

Another Glittering Performance From Shelkey: PRINCE BANDAR!

Here's something some of us UCB-ers did for New York Magazine. They somehow got a copy of Oliver Stone's Bush movie script and we're performing snippets from it. I play Prince Bandar. You know, Prince Bandar? (I had to look him up too.)

http://nymag.com/daily/entertainment/2008/04/vulture_shoots_the_five_greatest_moments.html

Injustice

Today, I woke up to two scenes of wicked injustice in America.

#1 The Sean Bell Verdict. All the police dudes go free! Yikes, hopefully there are no riots.

#2 Carleigh is voted off American Idol. WHAT? What of Jason? Brooke? Yeesh.

Hopefully, there are no riots.

MC Record Deal For My Friend!

One of my best friends, Siobhan O'Malley, just released her new album(Alibi Bye). It's just electronic right now but will be hitting with cds soon released by Blue Cocoon Records. I just downloaded it! It rules.

(Check out "It's Not Yesterday" which is a song I wrote the music for back in the day when she first started to write songs and I was teaching her to play the guitar. That was like ten thousand years ago. She's come so far, it's inspiring--my old songwriting partner!)

Here's the little store thing you can buy it from for now(it will be on iTunes very soon too)...

Moving Woes

Sorry Devoted Reader,

I've moved my website from another server and have been experiencing issues and growing pains with the process so it didn't show up till now and I still haven't ironed everything out. But it will be soon. Be patient!

-Nate

MAUDE NIGHT

My Maude team, 27 Kidneys, has their first show tonight at UCB. Everyone should come! We're up at 9:30 pm but the whole night starts at 8. Check it out!

This Is Horrible

From Gothamist....

"Two female Key Food employees at the Avenue A and East 4th Street store were attacked by a knife-wielding man. The police originally said one of the woman died, but it turns out that one is "clinging to life" while the other is in critical condition.

The Sun reports the women were in the "elevated manager's booth" when the attack took place at 3:15PM. According to WNBC, the attacker may have been a delivery man or employee, wearing a green jacket with the Canada Dry logo. The Sun got this comment from the store: "We can't give any comments right now. ... I'm doing ten things right now. We're still in the middle of talking to police."

Police are looking for the suspect, who fled on foot, with police dogs. Both victims are at Beth Israel in critical condition. The 25-year-old victim is in grave condition while the other was slashed in the torso and leg. "

This is my grocery store.

Also, Sunday morning a police van paddywagon kept going up and down my street and sounding the loudspeakers with a plea to call crime solvers with any information. I had no idea what it wa about---but it was eerie. And now I know, it had to be for this.

UPDATE: She died. Ugh.

Major League Faker

I love this story. Here's the lead paragraphs from a Wash Post article I just read(and this is the picture too).

"It was quite a scene in the Fernley (Nev.) High gym on Friday. A 6-foot-5, 290-pound football player, seated at a table with his coach beside him, was making his college selection before a cheering crowd. On the table before him were a pair of baseball caps -- one from the University of California and one from the University of Oregon.

The player reached for the blue Cal hat, bent the visor, and placed it on his head, signifying that he was accepting a scholarship to play at the school and would officially sign his letter-of-intent today, the first day senior high school football players can do so. Television crews and a newspaper reporter were present for what was believed to be the first Division I college athlete from the town of Fernley (pop. 19,700).

Hours later, the feel-good story began to fall apart.

Neither California, Oregon -- nor any of the handful of other college football programs mentioned by Kevin Hart -- had offered him a scholarship. In fact, some of the schools he mentioned had never put his name into their databases to send players recruiting literature."

How amazing is that??? HE FAKED IT! And he fooled not only his friends, and family, but his coach, his principal, the whole high school, the local news. Wow.

TWIB Notes

Some notes from around the league. Err.. of Nate.

GIRL POWER
This is my newest guitar pupil. Look at Polly rocking out! Polly took guitar lessons when she was 10 years old so her guitar is 3/4 size. And hasn't really touched it since then. I started teaching her a month or so ago. She's getting better. And we changed her strings. Which were 10 years old. Those strings were older than all of my nieces and nephews. Speaking of...

CAT SCRATCH FEVER
This is my niece Caroline. Pretty cool cheerleading outfit right? Wonder what sort of cool uncle got her that? Sidenote: They play Ted Nugent's song "Cat Scratch Fever" at Panthers' games. Because they are panthers. Still, I feel like it is the first time I have heard that song since being a child growing up in the 70's.

YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME, MONETARILY
Jason Garrett, the Cowboys' offensive coordinator, was given a raise by Jerry Jones, the Cowboys' owner. He now makes 3M a year. What is interesting about this is not only is he the highest paid assistant coach in the land. He also makes more than the head coach, Wade Phillips. I thought this would be remedied by a new contract for Wade. But it hasn't happened yet. This was a month ago. How awkward is that?

IDOL WATCH '08
Since there is not much new on the airwaves these days what with the WGA strike, I have been watching American Idol. Ok, that's a load of b.s. I would have watched it anyway. They are really amping up the whole this contest is a life changing experience for people with sob stories galore. "Singing on American Idol will bring my dad home from Iraq!" "This is my version of 'Funkytown' to let my sister with cancer, I am thinking about her." It's ruthless. And tasteless. But it makes for good trashy television. Still, I'd rather we just cut straight to the awesome and pitiful performances. I've said it before, I'll say it again--Ryan Seacrest earns his $ on that show. He has to keep a straight face talking with the crazies and show genuine compassion to the cry babies. He does it all. And he's able to keep his smarm factor down which was off the charts in season 1 and 2.

SUPER JACKED FOR SUPER TUESDAY
I'm pretty excited for Super Tuesday to roll around on Feb. 5th here in the NYC. Because it's the first time it really mattered. Get to make a real difference on who might run for the Dem nom. You want to know which way I'm voting? Here's a hint: I'm going with the young man.

PICTCHAS
Because I pride myself on being a good uncle, I did some research the other day. I netflixed "High School Musical". For youse not in the know, kids everywhere are crazy about HSM and Hannah Montana. They are really batshit crazy about this stuff. I got my niece Kayla this Wii game where you can sing all the songs from HSM. I wanted to do some duets with her but I didn't really know the words. Well, later I made a mix of the songs and then I watched the movie. Now, I'm ready!

But you know what? The movie's not half bad. The one thing is disturbing is they have this brother/sister team and their relationship is a little weird I think. They sing a song that the main love interests sing too. Until I saw the movie, I didn't realize they were brother/sister. Ummm... creepy. Still, it's a good song.

In other movie news, I think they are going too far with the "Computers Are Cool" notion. And just general technology. It's one thing to have a sci-fi movie. It's another to have current technology and spin a thriller from it, ridiculously. Enter ONE MISSED CALL. This movie is the evolution ripoff of The Ring. You'll remember in the Ring, people watch a video tape of some weird scattered grainy images. 24 hours later, they die. Then there was that movie where if people visited some website, 24 hours later they'd die. Well, now, apparently someone leaves a voicemail on your phone and it's your death. You're listening to a recording of how you die. And then ho hum. 24 hours later you die.

Come on people, it needs to have sort of thread of reality if you're making it out to be a modern day picture. What sort of voodoo is being done so someone can travel back in time with a recording of someone's death? I don't buy it.

Still, maybe this is more exciting than in the vast number of movies where you need some sort of exposition to take place, ,or plot development, and it takes place in front of a computer, normally Google.

APT
I start painting this weekend for the living room. New Year's resolution here we come!

Kids Say The Darndest Things

You've seen this pregnant mom disappearance story I'm sure, right? Did you see what the kid said? The 2 year old child told the police, "Mommy's crying... Mommy's in the rug". I read that, and I thought I was going to see some horrible resolve to the story where the little kid had chopped up his mom and ground her into the rug or something. Maybe I think too much like horror movies. Anyway, I hope she's ok.

Controversy!

Perhaps you've seen the little feud shaping up between Dan Rather and Katie Couric? He said this in an MSNBC interview "The mistake was to try to bring the 'Today' show ethos to the 'Evening News' and to dumb it down - tart it up in hopes of attracting a younger audience."

People are up in arms about the tart business there. But it's not something that hasn't been said before. I don't think it was that egregious at all. I think he's right. It's precisely what has been happening with CBS News and anyone who doesn't think so hasn't really watched it lately! It's ridiculous.
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Some TWIB Notes:

--If you are watching tv and see this Stop & Shop commercial where a bag of cat food and dog food are talking to each other? And the cat food is hitting on the dog food? That cat food is voiced by me. Now, I just eagerly await my exploding pants commercial(I am not making this up).

--Cavs/Spurs: Most boring NBA Finals of all time? Prolly. Somehow it isn't as exciting seeing Bron Bron in his first finals as I thought it could be. But the problem is he has nobody to play with. And he just lacks the killer selfish instinct to be a one horse johnny.

--Hell's Kitchen is on again! (It's pretty good. I'm not sweet on anyone has much as I was for Virginia, but still good.) I am so happy for something to cut through the summer glut. If anyone has any suggestions, I'm open to them. So far, I am watching Creature Comforts and Hell's Kitchen, and come next week, The Flight of the Conchords.

--Speaking of, we saw them last night. They were great! I think, dare I say this, even better than Tenacious D!

--Dyna was asking me if Brent and I are going to wear matching shirts again this year. Brent's wife Meredith does this cute thing where she buys us matching shirts every year and makes us wear them. Don't know if that will happen this year or not. But my favorite still was the Hawaiian shirts from our 30th. I should compile a photo collage of our matching shirts. Note to self.

--Huck Slim goes into the studio again this weekend. So hopefully after this w/e 6 new tracks will be ready for a demo. Exciting! Look for it soon.

--I think Toys 'R Us is running some sort of scam. Or maybe the cost of moving sand really is expensive. I wanted to get a sandbox for my nephew this week but the shipping on sandbox is $200! Yeesh. So I guess we're going to wait until I see him in person to go get it. It's just as well, this means I get to play in the sandbox too now.