Shelktone

Trivial Pursuit Shaft Edition!

2008-09-02T18:28:00.003-04:00

Fun times commercial parody I did for the awesome Nick Poppy and Karen Lurie. Also starring Sarah "Third Degree" Burns, Mattieu Cornillon, and Sarah Yorra. Check it.

27 Kidneys Video

2008-08-20T21:13:00.001-04:00

Here's one of the videos from this week's Maude Show...

Natural Male Enhancement from Lee Rubenstein on Vimeo.

Bathroom Art

2008-08-12T16:47:00.006-04:00

Found in Men's Room at Rehearsal Last Night. It makes me wonder what this person was thinking. "I really want to STICK it to the drug companies... Wait'll they see THIS!"

I Beat Jarod's Pants Off

2008-08-12T16:07:00.003-04:00

Today, I did the Body Test like I normally do on the Wii in the morning and it turned out I lost 17 pounds last night.

I felt pretty good.

Then I decided to check again just to be sure, and I lost another pound. Then it asked me to set a new goal so I set it to lose another 20 pounds. I weighed myself again and in that time, I had lost the 20 pounds.

Then it dawned on me that 1) this was an unhealthy amount of weight to lose so quickly and 2) there was something wrong with my Wii balance board, but mostly 3) how good that new number looked.

Oh well. The good people at Nintendo are going to take a look at my board and get it back to me or a new one. But until then, I am going to tell people I lost 30 pounds today.

PS.... what will I do now without challenging my trainer in the plank exercise?? I guess I should keep training for when she returns.

Ticket Master Blows

2008-08-08T15:44:00.002-04:00

Just got Kathrine and I tix for Regina Spektor. They came in the mail yesterday. I just checked my bank and saw I was charged for $93! These tix are $33 each. So how you get the extra $30? A "facility" charge + a "convenience" charge + "order processing". Pearl Jam, where are you and why have you forsaken me? Someone needs to take Ticket Master down a peg. They are getting ridiculous.

My Top Three Predictions for The Del Close Marathon

2008-08-07T13:59:00.003-04:00

Check out my predictions for the marathon along with Besser and D.C. Pierson, and a bunch of other people's thoughts on some shows to see, and tips for staying alive... I mean comfortable in this post at the Apiary.

Paper Tiger

2008-08-01T11:46:00.002-04:00

Did you see in the news how President Robert Mugabe just changed the currency in Zimbabwe to counter insane inflation there? They changed it by 10 zeros. So now, 10,000,000,000 dollars = 1 dollar.

That's CRAZY! But prolly a good idea. But still---now there are going to be lots of former billionaires who are pissed.

My Book's Cover

2008-08-01T11:32:00.002-04:00

Someone has written MEAT with magic marker on our buzzer outside our front door. It has an arrow pointing inside.

It's been puzzling me now for a few days what can the anonymous writer be referring to. Did he spy some hot girls(or boys) go inside? Did he or she case a delivery of some big shipment of meat that he's sharing with the world at large? Or did someone give the writer some meat per chance and this is a very simplistic version of a sign? For now, I will let the mystery be.

Coming Up Next

2008-08-01T11:07:00.003-04:00

I think it's time for a Nate Show Report.

Here's where to get some Nate Shelkey fix for the next week:

TONIGHT!
Dogbasket. Gotham City Improv @ 10 pm

SUNDAY
Dogbasket. Broadway Comedy Club @ 11 pm

WEDNESDAY
Get Psyched! UCB @ 7 pm

THURSDAY
I Hope You Have A Dump Truck. UCB @ 6:30 pm

SATURDAY
The Porter Maison Project in The Moon of Unpaid Gratitude. Del Close at Urban Stages @ 2:15 am

SUNDAY
Dogbasket. Del Close Marathon at UCB @ 6:30 am

TWIB Notes

2008-07-26T16:45:00.004-04:00

I'm watching Network today. And it's like watching the original Studio 60. Everything is there. The anchor who goes crazy(Peter Finch/Judd Hirsch in Studio). The young executive who's going to make the ailing show work(Faye Dunnaway/Amanda Peet). The old director who falls for the young executive(William Holden/Bradley Whitford).

But I'm bored. And there's 40 minutes left. And I'm tired of the hahaha, a revolutionary gets corrupted by the network.

This is one of those movies that I felt, I should see this, and it feels like homework. Snoozeville.

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At the elliptical machine at the gym, there's a readout for the number of watts you are producing. Who gives a shit about this? The only reason I could think it would be relevant is if the machine is powered by your electricity. Otherwise, is someone thinking---gee I really need to be producing 200 watts to get a good workout. I don't buy it.

Craptastic Art

2008-07-24T13:25:00.003-04:00

I keep meaning to take a picture of this crappy art project outside of the 2nd Avenue F station. (1st Ave side). It's a bunch of wooden boxes meant to resemble the normal gaggle of free newspapers and junky fliers that adjoin a typical New York subway or bus station. It's got all of the colors in there too---the green Metro newspaper one, the red AM New Yorkone(mortal free daily paper enemies!), the yellow writing classes one, and does New York Press have a color? I'm not sure. Anyway, they are all there.

Now, what can this project be about? Is it supposed to trick people into thinking that they are real newspaper dispensers and someone is filming the whole thing? It is supposed to just be some charming piece of art in the front of the subway station? I don't know what their thesis statement was, but if it was to create a giant piece of piss stained trash then they hit the nail on the head.

People keep stuffing trash inside of them and now nearly a month later, they are overflowing. And the artsy creators also chained the boxes to the railing so people can't just haul them off. I'm hoping that some MTA person steps in and burns the shit out of them.

Sorry to be so old man about this but there are so many examples of interesting and engaging New York art on the streets. From Banksy, to Improv Everywhere, to Neckface, the downtown walk signs makeovers to even though odious, interesting---the corporate fake graffitti advertising. This is just a crap idea. From start to finish.

Project Runaway

2008-07-24T00:32:00.005-04:00

I once pitched an idea for a fake show called Project Runaway where you had to pick the best Runaway. But this isn't about that. This is about the new season of Project Runway and how they've totally gone overboard on these people. The new crazy is Suede. Suede is a Saturday Night Live version of a Project Runway contestant but he's real. He's bi-sexual and with crazy hair, fake blue faux-hawk, refers to himself in the 3rd person, and likes to make catty, impish comments.

In short, he's destined to win. But he's annoying as all get out. If you thought Christian from last year was bad, prepare for Suede. But there's not just Suede. There's Blayne. Blayne likes to declare things 'licious. Anything can be -licious. Girliscious. Suedeliscious. Timlicious. It doesn't seem to matter. He also decided Heidi is Darth Vader. Reasoning? Because she's all shiny and put together and then cuh-razy on the inside.

How does Blayne know Heidi is crazy? Is Heidi crazy? Am I crazy for not knowing this? I don't think so. And I don't think Heidi is crazy. I think we know who's crazy. Blayne is crazy.

But I will keep watching. Because I am addicted.

In other news, I was excited for Kitchen Nightmares. But alas, it was a repeat. Fall TV, I miss you. I will wait for you. I will walk the widow's walk in anticipation for when you come home and round the bend into the bay that is prime time. I will be faithful. Do not worry. I'll be true to you.

15 Seconds

2008-07-17T16:18:00.002-04:00

Here is a 27 Kidneys video that we shot for UCB Comedy.com

Enjoy people of the world!

TEDDY ALERT

2008-07-01T12:10:00.003-04:00

My brother-in-law Eric alerted me to this fantastic blog about Teddy's plight and I guess just recently Teddy actually WON! But not in a real race against the President's but rather against the Orioles' bird. Still. Babysteps, Teddy.

For those of you not in the know, or don't remember when I blogged about this before, the Nationals have a race during the game much like the sausage race in Milwaukee. Only instead of sausages, it's presidents. But there is an on running gag where Teddy never wins. (It's George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Lincoln, and Teddy I believe.)

Anyway, EXCITING!

The Dublin Commercial

2008-06-23T13:01:00.001-04:00

Here is what I went to Dublin for...

TWIB Notes

2008-06-22T22:18:00.002-04:00

--Today was my birthday.

--Yesterday, there was another important birthday; I became an uncle again. A little girl named Lillian Gween Yeo was born on Saturday night. She is my niece!

This is her. She might not look happy about it. But I am.

27 Kidneys TONIGHT!

2008-06-09T09:24:00.001-04:00

Hello everyone! Come and check out 27 Kidneys tonight @ Maude Night. 8 pm with Mix Tape '98! $5 bucks. Good fun.

You Know What I Like?

2008-06-02T21:12:00.003-04:00

I like that Microsoft Word after 20 some years, has finally shaken up the world with a new default font. It's no longer that workhorse, Times New Roman. And no, before you mention it, it is no longer the scrappy but seasoned number 2, Arial. No folks, welcome to a new century. It's CAMBRIA!

Change is good.

Kenny Comes To UCB!

2008-06-02T13:24:00.002-04:00

Hello faithful readers...

Kenny Mayne is coming to UCB finally. He'll be there this Wednesday @ 9:30 pm. It's $5 par usual and he'll be opening for the show Hot Lather and I Eat Pandas. All of those shows are fabulous. So why wouldn't you come to this? Kenny will be reading from his new book: An Incomplete And Inaccurate History Of Sport.

I guess that's it. Kenny, I have successfully plugged your show. Exciting, right?

Cap In Hand

2008-05-27T16:00:00.004-04:00

I went home for Memorial Day Weekend. To see the fam, and also to see Kayla play softball and to go to see the Nat's new stadium. It's beautiful. Check it. Supposedly, it's the largest scoreboard in all of MLB.
Here's Kayla getting ready to take the field. You'll note there is a lot of pink going on with these kids outfits. There's pink helmets, pink mitts, pink batting gloves, pink bats, pink shoes. Surprisingly, the balls are not pink. But yellow. So it's easier to pick them up in the batter's box.
Her team name was the Red Cherries They faced a team called the Vicious Puppies. The Vicious Puppies were just as their name advertised. Some good hitters on the Puppies. And the dads were just as vicious. In this league, kids are just supposed to take one base on a hit. And you bat all the way through. You can record outs but it doesn't matter if you get nobody out or everybody out. But these dads were having their kids go for extra bases if it got past the infielders or if the infielders bobbled the ball. Not cool.
Then on Sunday, we went to see the new Nats' stadium. Here's all three generations of Nat's fans in the Shelkey family. We had a lot of different food at the ballpark including some half smokes with chili, cheese, and onions on them, some boardwalk frieds, cotton candy, regular hot dogs, and of course--dots! I was a little disappointed the dots didn't come in the plastic baseball hat. But I guess you can't get EVERYTHING right in the first year right?
And finally, a style debate. I got a blue Nats' cap b/c my red one which Purnell awesomely procured for me before is a little too small. But now I think I got one too big. So I need that goldilocks one in between. Note: It is really hot in my apt, and I have my shirt off. So that's why you get to see the sexy shirtless hat pics. I feel like it's too early to turn on the air conditioning. So I am surviving on shirtlessness and a fan.

Jinglewriter

2008-05-19T16:33:00.001-04:00

Siobhan and I are submitting to be part of this tv show where you write jingles. Here is our submission for the fictional product, Fruit It Up.

TWIB Notes

2008-05-17T19:45:00.003-04:00

I cannot stand that commercial that is for some drug where the guy works on models. And then he asks the doctor how they can shrink the problem? The thing that upsets me? His model of the universe is soooo shitty. I mean, this is this guy's job. And yet his model of the universe looks like something I could do in 5th grade. Sidenote: I always hated those kids who did diagrams and models of things. Those aren't science projects! You didn't test anything!

Anyway, and everyone in the thing is ooing and aahing like it's this big accomplishment. Verdict: Dumb commercial.

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I placed two bets for the Preakness today and lost. It was exciting and then not in such a quick period of time. I guess that is what gambling is. It's over so quickly.
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I hate David Archuleta so much. I think I just have a problem with people that seem like everything is great with them. That it's all just smiles and happy faces. I like people to look like they have a little misery in their life. They seem like a more genuine person then. Is that a really awful thing to think? But I do. So I'm down for David Cook for the finals in American Idol. If Archuleta wins, it's a win for Pollyannas everywhere and I think we know that is one more point for evil.
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Huck Slim is up again tonight at Sidewalk Cafe. I am aiming on those people that read my blog incessantly and so will see this an hour before the gig and decide to go. It's going to work. I just know it!

Hard Luck Corner

2008-05-02T15:14:00.003-04:00

I just passed by this restaurant on the corner of 7th and 2nd Ave. It's changed! This corner is slightly doomed as everything that has been there was failed and rarely lasted over a year. I think it used to be Sin Sin. Or maybe that's above it. At one time, a guy who ran the place wanted to get people to play there FACING the street to draw foot traffic in. Huck Slim briefly considered the offer than thought better of it when we checked the place out. It was dark, depressing, and creepy.

Then this year, there was a whole lot of construction the whole place was revamped. And then they put up the most garish neon signs that just made it look like strip mall America or dare I say it? Queens. (I love you Queens--you were my first love in NYC, there will always be a place for you in my heart (especially Extra Cheese in Flushing, Donovans and the rest of the pubs in Woodside, and most of all the Bohemia Beer Garden in Astoria) but come on, you love big neon signs more than Manhattan.) It said something like American Diner. How generic can you get?

They clearly spent thousands on the refurb, to make it even more crappy. Puzzling. The best part is they hung a huge sign that said Grand Opening. For like months. Then they took it down. Then they put a bigger sign up that said Grand Opening again. For... months.

Then it seemed like they were actually attracting customers which made me sad. Because I hated the place. Picking a diner on that street is a dumb idea when you already have two diners within blocks of you---the venerable Veselka and the reliable but not-as-nice Moonstruck Diner. Not to mention the esteemed Odessa over on Ave A(I love how there are two Odessas right next to each other. There's the diner. And there's the bar. You can still get most of the food from the diner in the bar, I guess it just depends on what kind of feel you want around you.)

Well, all that has changed because now those signs are gone and it's barely refurnished as an Asian themed restaurant. No grand opening sign yet. I will watch and see what happens but it still looks ugly..

Tips For Those Pretending To Be Homeless

2008-04-30T18:55:00.002-04:00

To the guy on 1st Ave today: I tend to think that if you used styling gel in your hair you aren't really homeless. Maybe it's just me. So sorry, I am not giving my money to you.

New Favorite Awful Commercial

2008-04-29T14:26:00.002-04:00

There's a new winner in the awful commercial search. It's these Gas X ads. Some sample dialogue from man at a job interview:

INTERVIEWER: Impressive resume. Flatulent in three languages. Graduated top of your gas...

then an assistant breaks in...

ASST: Your son Rip is on line Toot.

Brilliant people. Brilliant.