Standing Tall

Porter and I take to talking about this upon occasion: What the greatest tv theme show songs are. I will always bring up the Perfect Strangers theme show song. It's compact, like a good tv theme show song should be. It's catchy, like a good tv theme show song should be. It's hopeful and a little too sentimental, bringing you up when you're feeling down, like a good tv theme show song should be. It's got a whistful harmonica hook, like a good tv theme show song should have. Plus, I think it's got the perfect video montage ending too as they rise the stairs at Wrigley Field. It's pretty much almost perfect like the good people of Meepos must certainly be. Here are the lyrics, folks. Be inspired!

Sometimes the world looks perfect,
Nothin' to rearrange.
Sometimes you just
Get a feelin' like you need some kind of change.

No matter what the odds are this time,
Nothing's gonna stand in my way.
This flame in my heart,
and a long lost friend,
Gives every dark street a light at the end!

Standin' tall
On the wings of my dream!

Rise and fall
On the wings of my dream!

Rain and thunder, wind and haze
I'm bound for better days!
It's my life,
It's my dream,
Nothin's gonna stop me now.

Holy Cannoli

I was going to just write something about this homework report that came out, and I will in a second. But I went onto ESPN and it seems Terrell Owens tried to committ suicide! Yikes. T.O. is most definitely a drama queen. Note that he took only five of the pain pills but he wanted to make it seem like he took the whole bottle because he threw away all the other pills, making it seem like he downed over 40. I suppose it's just mean anyway you slice it to call someone who tried to kill themselves a drama queen. But still. I call 'em like I see 'em.
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A Duke researcher says students get little benefit from homework and goes on to say that homework might even be detrimental. Because it makes students tired and less attentive in class. It's a very interesting idea. But I feel like class should be a place for discussion and stuff and where else are you going to do things like reading?

This guy on ESPN on TMQ was saying that he thought it was public school teacher's revenge against parents. Because kids would be complaining more about homework and then the parents would be helping them with the homework too. Creating a massive headache for the parents. But TMQ had a good point in that teachers are paid next to nothing, but they get a constant berating from society about what's wrong with our educational system. Why aren't our kids learning? And they're supposed to take all that, teach kids that don't want to learn, and do it for like $25,000 a year(in some places).

This is why my brother quit teaching!
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I'm calling it right now. Subway Series again in '06. Yankees and Mets are already the two best teams in baseball. I'm hoping Mets win.

More ESPN Adventures

So I did another thing for Kenny Mayne this week along with Lathan and a bunch of other UCB-ers. We are re-enacting the 100th anniversary of the forward pass. Rob plays the quarterback, and Bobby Moynihan is the receiver and Eason and I play wonderfully nuanced interior lineman. Joe Namath is supposed to be in it too if you're into Broadway Joe. Anyway, it airs on Sunday @ 12:20-12:30 or so on NFL Sunday Countdown on ESPN. Watch if you appreciate silly sports reports.

Four Square Ala Internet

Hey all you Four Square Fans! Check this out:

http://www.simpleshoes.com/misc/FlyingSociety.aspx

At the bottom of the page is a link to an online Four Square game. Enjoy!

Photos For Fatties

My brother just alerted me to this wonderful new feature available on cameras by HP. It's supposed to counteract the camera adding ten pounds. It's called "slimming". Check out this video they have on it on their site. It's hilarious. This is so insulting. I can't wait to use it. Sidenote: I really don't think these people look thinner. I think the photos look thinner.

Mr. Pickle

Hey Pickle Town! I just went to International Pickle Day which is on Orchard St between Graham and Broome right now. If you are in the LES, you should go. I had 4 different kinds of pickles and pickled okra, pickled peppers, and pickled pear. My thoughts are that if you really want a pickle you should go full sour, half sour is for the faint-hearted. True pickle lovers should go full hog. The only place I think I skipped was Gus' pickles which had by far the longest line. I think I'll just go back to them later when it's not Pickle Day. Regardless, all of these pickles reside in the quaint community known as Flavortown. My final thought? YUM.

I Know There's A Word For This

I found out the other night at dinner that there is a term for cats who eat clothing. So 'Bert or Jake, I'm not really sure which one does this now, you've got "pica". There's even been a study at Cornell about it. Basically, what it says is that pica is feline obsessive compulsive disorder. In short, one or both of my boys have OCD. This is disturbing. But at the same time, it's nice to know that I'm not crazy and my cats aren't THAT unusual. Still, I might investigate more into this. Especially if it continues. It seems to have slowed down a bit. But that might just be my imagination.

Now that I think about it, in one of Gabriel Garcia Marquez's books called Love & Other Monsters, there's a character who has pica. She likes to eat dirt. I didn't realize at the time, that it could be like a common thing. I thought it was just part of his kooky realismo magico world.

This just goes to prove that Jake is a writer cat, and a romantic one at that, suffering like a Marquez character. He is NOT retarded like some people have suggested.

The Cat Came Back

At Orange Hunt Elementary, our music teacher Mrs. Banks(who was hated) taught us a song called "The Cat Came Back". It's about a particular pesky cat that even though the narrator of the song tries to get rid of, well, you prolly figured it out. The cat keeps coming back. But that's not why I'm writing this. I was thinking of that pesky cat because that guy who lives across the hall? You know, the parole violator dude? Well, he's back! So I guess everything is sorted out. But maybe he just needed to come back and get some supplies or credit cards or something. Michael on Prison Break was doing stuff like that, so I'd imagine you know, a real guy like that would be doing similar things. Even fugitives deserve some comforts of home, ya know?

San Diego Chicken & Friends

Siobhan & I went to see the Mets last night play the Dodgers(she was excited to see Nomar play). They clobbered the boys in blue, and we got to see an inside the park home run.

After seeing the CowbellMan(he's an official Mets person who's allowed to roam the stadium with his cowbell and incite the crowd with his infectious rhythm) come by, we started talking about mascots. I was thinking how much I like the mascots. They add a bit of mischief that's needed. At Yankee Stadium, even though it's great, I miss the mascot. It makes it so serious there. I guess that's what growing up with the Orioles will do for you. We have one of the most beloved and best mascots of all time. Siobhan then asked me, what's his name? I was stumped. I didn't know. I said, "He's just... The Bird." Well, today I researched it. He is known officially as "The Bird." She reminded me that the Sox do have a mascot. It's Wally(as in the Green Monster). And I have to admit that's a pretty good idea for one. (But he is new; Wally was introduced in 1997.)

I did a quick scan of the other mascots to see if any rate.

D-Backs: D. Baxter is a bob cat. I guess that's a desert creature, right?
Braves: Homer. Homer is a red-faced Indian. Hmm.... seems a little much.
Rockies: Dinger. He looks a dinosaur. I like him. Good name too.
Reds: Gapper. Stupid name. He definitely seems like he's trying to feed off the Fanatic.
Marlins: Billy the Marlin. Straightforward, likeable. Nice pun. Billy Martin, Marlin.
Astros: Junction Jack. Ummm... seems forced. We get it Astros you want us to have a rootin' tootin' good time.
Brewers: Bernie Brewer. Beloved. Plus they have the sausage race and I think it's worth admission just for that.
Expos: Youppi! Orange colored fluffy giant. Loveable.
Mets: Mr. Met. Classic. Simple. Strange. A winner.
Phillies: The Philly Phanatic. Possibly the best mascot in baseball and all of sports. Esmond swears that meeting the Phanatic randomly(outside of the Park) was one of the best moments of his life(he met the Phanatic as an adult)
Pirates: Pirate Parrot. Lame. Come on Pittsburgh. A little imagination?
Padres: The Swinging Friar. I repeat, the Swinging Friar, who replaced the San Diego Chicken who is without a doubt THE king of mascots. Still I love the ridiculous name. You can never replace a legend, but this is a nice try.
Giants: Lou Seal. Meh.
Cardinals: Fred Bird. Double Meh.
Whitesox: Southpaw. Cute. He's growing on me.
Indians: Slider. There's no thought to this. At least the White Sox put some thought to Southpaw(southside).
Detroit: Paws the Tiger. Boor-ing.
Royals: Slugger. Not only to the Royals have a crappy baseball team, they have a crap mascot too. I would maybe create something like the Pine Tar Baby. Hmm.. could be construed as racist. But I was trying to refer to the famous George Brett incident.
Twins: T.C. The Bear. He's a little too realistic to my liking.
A's: Stomper. He's an elephant. That's awesome.
Seattle: Mariner Moose. Again, props for a unique animal. Plus baseball caps look great on both elephants and moose.
Tampa Bay: Raymond. Who cares? It's the Devil Rays.
Rangers: Rangers Captain. Umm.. a little too obvious and boring. Texas you're 0 for 2 on cool mascots.
Blue Jays: Ace & Diamond. Why two mascots?

Okay, so after the big review, I gotta say it should be:

#1 The Chicken
#2 The Philly Phanatic
#3 The Bird
#4 Bernie Brewer/Mr. Met
#5 Wally

I suppose my ranking is also a bit due to history. But the Chicken was always the most outrageous of mascots. And the Phanatic and the Bird both have a great sense of humor. I think some of these others like the Moose and the Elephant might gain some steam but they have some ground to make up.

(Note: Only two teams that I found without a mascot? The Cubs and the Yankees.
Hah wait, I just found out that the Yanks DID have a mascot once. It was short lived. He was a large bird called Dandy and had a moustache like Sparky Lyle.)

An Origin Story

It seems like HBO is intent on playing In Her Shoes like every night this week. So I've been watching this. I remember the first time I saw it, I had never heard this poem (which Cameron Diaz's character reads haltingly (because she's dyslexic) for this old dying English professor(and as you'd imagine it's horrible, such a bad actress)before:

One Art

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

--Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

As a result I never realized this was where Tanouye's blog came from. So it always strikes me now as I watch this on HBO. It makes you wonder is Tanouye trying to focus on writing and that's why he choses this blog name. Or is focused on losing something? Or is he similarly focused on being snobby and quoting some poem? Prolly all three. Still. I like the poem.

Split Screen

AT THE MOVIES
Siobhan and I saw "Conversations With Other Women" last night at Sunshine. Constant Reader, in case you were wondering? It was really good. If you unaware of the premise, it's that two people meet at a wedding reception, one who's married and one who has a girlfriend and they have a fling. The other thing is that the whole movie is filmed split screen with two cameras running. The cameras are mostly trained on the couple but sometimes one side will flash back to something else. And sometimes, the sections will both be of one person with a sort of scattering of takes.

Anyway, you get the picture(unintended delicious pun). The whole thing is a little disconcerting at first but after a while, you grow to like it. I never saw that movie Time Dash that was like that. I believe that one actually was split into four sections. Kind of like that one channel that's on cable that has four different networks and the sound alternates in a circle between the four. Well, that's too much. Two works fine though. Especially since you can have that classic POV shot of one person and have the exact opposite of the other person too and see both at the same time. Plus Aaron Eckhart and Helena Bonham Carter are great in it. Essentially if you liked Thank You For Smoking, you'll like this.

It makes you wonder too how much hanky panky really does happen at wedding receptions. I mean, we know that someone is doing something but is it really as much as movies would have us believe? I wonder. A guy in Huck Slim seemed like he was five for five last two years for getting with the bridesmaids. I'm going to a wedding next month. I shall observe.

I also saw This Film Is Not Yet Rated which is a documentary about the MPAA rating system. Also, really good. One of the funniest parts is a very meta portion where the director of the doc, sends in his film to be rated by the MPAA people. They don't do so well with the raters.
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I think that Jake and 'Bert are a modern cat version of Leopold and Loeb. Because I figured out that it's Bert who makes the holes in clothing in my apartment but Jake eats the little pieces of cloth sometimes. And then he throws it up later. Thus covering their tracks for a little while, till I turn over my comforer or take out that t-shirt or pair of socks and notice something missing. These diabolical cats must be stopped! If you have any suggestions, please let me know. So far, my rehabilitation attempts have utterly failed.