Huck Slim Tonight!

Again, I am doing my duty and alerting you that we are playing at the C-Note tonight at 8 pm.

157 Ave C(10th Street)
8 pm, no cover
directions: http://www.thecnote.com/map.htm

I feel like I have plugged this thing to death. But we are excited! so come and be excited with us.

Shoes Clues

Why are girls so obsessed with shoes?

If you were an alien and you were trying to learn about the humans that live on this planet, and you watched just a ten minute clip of Sex In The City you would pick up on this peculiar obsession with shoes that girls have.

I remember watching a Legally Blonde and the moment where she realizes that the pool boy is gay because he makes fun of her Prada shoes.

The go-to shoe though if you want to throw out a name appears to be this man when it comes to shoes. But most of us dudes don't have a clue who he is, or what his shoes would look like.

Don't get me wrong, we like shoes. We do. I probably have eight pairs of shoes. But I bet that most girls have at least ten if not getting close to freaking twenty pairs of shoes. I mean, remember Imelda?

I've heard girls talk more about shoes than anything else. Dresses, bras, makeup. Why am I bringing this up? Because last night at rehearsal, Flynn was mentioning that he was on the subway with Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick and their kid and the first question out of Jess' mouth was "What were they wearing?" And when he didn't provide enough detail, they wanted to hear everything about her shoes.

And in case you were wondering, I am wearing black shoes today.

Loser Celebrities

This weekend, I made my way over to the oh-so-trendy Apple store in SoHo. The journey is always very amusing because everything becomes trendier there. Even the street sellers wares are cuter, and more sophisticated than over in the East Village. And the streets are cleaner. And have neat cobblestoney bricks.

And then you're in a line that stretches for like prolly 80 people long. You are probably thinking that I bought a nano. I did not. I bought a geeky computer game. Because I'm a geek. But I did see the nano, and it sure is cute and sophisticated. And was right at home in SoHo.

Then walking back, I passed someone. My first reaction when seeing someone famous is never, oh there's that person! It is always, first---I know that person, how do I know them? Do they work with me? And then, oh he looks like ______ . I never think they are actually that person but rather just someone who looks remarkably like them.

Having lived in New York for five years now, I have begun to break myself of this habit. And now have begun to start to see celebs in the mist. Only there's a problem. I keep seeing loser celebrities.

And who did I see this weekend? This guy:


Ty Pennington! What? You're not excited? That's right. Because he's a loser celebrity. He's a JV celeb. And that's the worst. And New York is full of them.

For years, I used to see Jesse Camp the lame MTV VJ who won that contest to be a VJ. When it really should have gone to Dave. And MTV knew this, that's why they gave Dave a DJ job too anyway. And that's why Dave is still around and Jesse is not.

Because Dave is the real deal and not a loser celeb like Jesse.

My rage for him is unparalleled. I think mostly because he is just like all those kids who hang out at Astor Place and ask you for money but are wearing like boots that cost two hundred dollars. Hate 'em! (Mentholate 'em!) (who remembers that commercial? I just dated myself.)

The Go-Cart Mozart

Last night I took the suggestion for our Arsenal show and some girl shouted
out, "Bruce Springsteen!" I didn't really think about it until afterwards when Flynn said, thanks for wearing that shirt (it was just a dark red plaid short sleeve shirt) that she was commenting on my appearance.

Did I look like Bruce? I guess the sideburns recall early Bruce. Or does he have big 'sidesies' now? Hmmm...

To date these are people that I have been likened too:

--John Travolta(third grade)

--The guys in Wham(seventh grade)


--Charlie on Party of Five(Lost's Matthew Fox to you who never knew the joys of P05)


(Sidenote: isn't this a hot picture? Neve really never wore anything like this in P05. They are all kind of glammed up. Anyway...)
--Steve Earle(with beard, three or four years ago)


--Richard Cairn(I hate you Flynn Barrison)



Clearly, people like to be snarky when you ask for a suggestion because we have also gotten 'sideburns' for a suggestion. Maybe it's just when I ask for a suggestion. Hmm.... but I like being compared to Bruce. It's so much better than Richard Cairn.





For New Yorkers: Did you see this morning's Metro? They have an item where it's 'who do you look like?' And this morning there was a dude who people said he looked Tom Cruise and a girl who people said she looked like Katie Holmes. The Katie Holmes girl did look like her. But the Tom Cruise dude? NOT AT ALL!

I suppose this makes sense. Because of all the people mentioned above, probably all of them except for Richard Karn and Bruce were mentioned by people who were attracted to me. Maybe the Bruce girl does too, who knows? It's still clear that Flynn does not have the hots for me. Richard Karn indeed.

Church on church

My friend Jeremy sums up the whole steroid thing by saying, "ballplayers are just stupid." He means they just don't know any better. They don't care. All they know is they're getting paid to hit a ball and whatever helps them do that, so be it.

I'd like to believe that's not true. You'd like to believe that, right? I mean, I wanted to believe that construction workers weren't really like the stereotype in my mind. But then I worked construction for a couple weeks one summer. And everything I thought of was true.

My foreman Cheney(who nicknamed me "Motown" for some inexplicable reason) advised me how when digging a trench, you should do it like you were making love to a woman(he did not use such terms). That you couldn't stop while you were doing it, you had to do it until the job was done.

I have some other construction stories which I'll share in a bit which are more colorful including the guy who would call me Dennis Miller(construction workers are big on nicknames--the other two people in my crew were nicknamed Pugsley and C.B.(college boy). I was a college boy too but like I said, I was Motown.) and the best being about a guy named Charlie. But I was just reading something on the Nats and apparently this is what Ryan Church said the other day via the Washington Post:

'An article in Sunday's paper about Baseball Chapel quoted Church as saying that he had turned to Moeller for advice about his former girlfriend, who was Jewish. "I said, like, Jewish people, they don't believe in Jesus. Does that mean they're doomed? Jon nodded, like, that's what it meant. My ex-girlfriend! I was like, man, if they only knew. Other religions don't know any better. It's up to us to spread the word," Church said.'

Yes, all the Jews are doomed, Ryan! Ridiculous. Ballplayers are just stupid.

The Big "D"isappointment

If you were watching Monday Night Football last night, then you saw what I saw. Actually, you prolly saw even more than I saw. Since I live in New York, we watched the boring Gints/Saints game.

But after that game was mercifully over, they switched it in progress to the Cowboys/Skins game. And it looked great. The Cowboys were up and they appeared to have the game quite in hand. 13-0 late in the 4th quarter. There really didn't seem to be that much to do.

Except the Skins came roaring back and beat them 14-13. Youch.

Lametown. Parcells was supposedly 77-0 up 13 points or more going into the 4th quarter. There goes that, it's now 77-1. I guess about the only thing I can say is it's nice to be in New York where people don't really care about the Redskins and the Cowboys rivalry that much. And many of my friends don't seem to be football fans anyway.

Still. It stings.

The Spin Move

Four Square was played in the park yesterday with Purns, Sue, and Hammy and some others. As we were playing, people stopped to watch(they always do). One guy came up and said, "Are you playing Four Square?" And we replied, "Yes." "I haven't played Four Square in 30 years!"

(beat)

"Can I play?"

Of course! That's what Four Square is all about. So he got in line. And preceded to tell me some stories of Four Square as a child. Apparently, there's an off shoot version called Fast Break, or something like that. And that game is if you serve and the person isn't there in time, they're out. It's counting on the fact that the next person in line will take their time entering the game.

He was a stickler. He was also against:

--balls on the line
--balls that were hit without bouncing
--balls that people carried

But here's where I come to an important point. He also had some secret moves. Most of them were various spin moves. When it was first done, there was a huge exclamation from the players. We had never seen anything like that before. I imagine it was the sound that players made when MJ launched a dunk from the free throw line. It was that revolutionary.

However, if you start to dissect the spin move you'll notice in order to perform it you have to hold it in your hands and give the ball a turn. And in order to do that, what are you doing but CARRYING the ball?!

So this MJ of Four Square was really violating his own rules. In this way, he wasn't unlike the real MJ who always got all the calls but would make just as many fouls as all the rest of us. He just seemed special because of his spin move.

He also had a piece of corn or something on the side of his face which none of us had the heart to point out. I think many of us didn't say anything because we were intimidated by his four square prowess and we were sort of happy he had that piece of corn stuck there. It showed he was human. And besides, that spin move is just a carry anyway.

My Book Club

I saw this picture the other day of George Bush holding up Flat Stanley and I was thinking of books that I loved growing up.

So here is a partial list:

Flat Stanley
--This is the story of a boy who is flattened by a bulletin board but then has adventures because of it. Including catching an art thief! (The put him in a frame next to the paintings to spy...)

Where The Red Fern Grows
--Seriously, if you don't want to ruin yourselves and your childhood memory do not reread this book unless reading to a kid. It surprised me how welll and this sounds silly---childish the writing was, when I reread it a few years ago.

The Last of the Amazing Whangdoodles by Julie Andrews
--Yes, Julie Andrews wrote a book. And yes, it is wonderful!

Danny, Champion of the World by Roald Dahl
--Mrs. Anderson, my 4th grade teacher read these last two to us and I loved them both. I had a crush on Mrs. Anderson---she was the first person to call me Nate. This book isn't as strange as other Dahl creations. It's pretty straight forward. It's about a dad and his son and they're poor and alone.

The Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankwheiler by E.L. Koningsberg
--Did I get the spelling right? Prolly not. Two kids decide to start staying at the Museum of Natural History in New York. They encounter a mystery about a statue that might have been made by Michelangelo. Why hasn't Flat Stanley and this book been made into kids' movies? They'd kill! KILL!

Alan Mendhelson, Boy From Mars by Daniel Pinkwater
--Daniel Pinkwater's imagination knows no bounds. He is hilarious too! This is the beginning of the Snarkout Boys as well.

The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier
--Note: Also, a movie. Also, a movie with an awesome soundtrack by Yaz with tracks from Upstairs at Eric's.

The Undertaker's Gone Bananas by Paul Zindel
--My sister gave me this book to read. It's insane. But awesome. I think he also wrote this book about something with the Blue Figurine? Hmmm.... can't remember. As you can see, I loved me some teen fiction.

The Great Brain series
--These are depression era books about these kids in Utah. The Great Brain is a detective.

The Soup series
--Why did I read these books that were about another time? Hmmm... not sure. But read Soup for President and others to find out. Besides, I learned the joys of whipping apples after reading this book.

If You See This Person...

I was waiting at the entrance to a building yesterday night when I noticed this podium where the security guard would sit. And on the podium was a sheet of paper with a picture attached. It read:

If you see this person, DO NOT LET THEM IN. Call the police immediately. His name is BLAH BLAH BLAH and he is not to be trusted. He may ask for these people. Do not listen to him. Do not let him in. Call the police immediately.

How weird is that?

And so I must wonder. What did this guy do? I suppose he used to work there. Or he's just plain crazy. Oh yeah and I forgot. The note also said that the picture was 12 years old but that his appearance has not changed. So that means that this has been going on for 12 years at least.

I wonder how often he comes in. And if he tries a lot of different methods to get in. And if he's ever tried Mentos.

The Boob Tube

I don't have cable. Instead, I feed off whatever crumbs the tv gods throw me. Typically, these are two channels. Chanel 11 and Channel 22. Which is UPN and TBS respectively.

Yesterday, I was watching football which turned into Andrew Agassi losing valiantly to Roger Federer(I used the word "valiant" in 5th grade to describe a play someone made during a stickball game with Pat Wolan and his older brother. They made fun of me forever for that one. I guess you're not supposed to use fifty cent words in 5th grade. Still, I think it was a valiant play.) After the tennis match, it became Ocean's 11.

And during Ocean's 11, I started to see a lot of commercials. And two of these commercials made very very annoyed.

#1 There is to be a show on CBS. It is to be called the Ghost Whisperer. And Jennifer Love Hewitt is to star as said Whisperer of Ghosts. There are so many things wrong with this show. Is it because it's Jennifer Love Hewitt? Who many moons ago, I was a fan of---but that was the Jenny Love Hewitt who was actually Bailey's Love Sarah on Party of Five.

This was before IKWYDLS(I Know What You Did Last Summer) and the predictable ISKWYDLS(I Still Know...). Before we knew she could sing and before she released an album that none of us listened to after she let us know she could sing.

This was before she dated Carson Daly and before we all forgot about her except for the occasional gracing of the cover of Maxim.

Until now. When she is set to play a girl who is able to hear ghosts and wouldn't you know it? Some ghosts are bad and some ghosts are good but it's up to the ghost whisperer to know which is which.

BLECH.

I'll prolly watch it.

#2 The weather satellite now known as Doppler Million radar. What the? You see, this used to be known just as Doppler radar. And then it got souped up into Doppler 2000. But now it is has ridiculously jumped to Doppler Million radar.

What does the Million stand for? You got me. I thought the 2000 was for the year two thousand but now that blows my theory to shreds. Maybe it cost a million dollars. But it sure sounds stupid anyway you slice it.

And who watches weather reports based on the name of the satellite? If anything, you'd not watch it based on such a stupid name. Which is what I'm going to do. I'm boycotting one of the three channels I get just because of Doppler Million. Take that!

That's so heroic of me. It's like I'm Prince Valiant or something. Sorry. Just trying to use that word now that Pat's big brother isn't around. (Sidenote: Prince Valiant is the most snooze-ville comic ever. Mary Worth is more exciting.)

Pot & Kettle

Siobhan just pointed out this to me. It's a clip of someone telling Dick Cheney to f off. On CNN. On live tv.

At the end, the reporter asks have you ever heard someone say that to you before? He says this is the first time.

And I just remembered that last year Cheney told a senator those exact same words.

Instant karma is gonna get you Dick!

Next time, when there's a national disaster going on while you're on vacation? Why not cut it short? Don't stay on it for 10 more days.

There's Nothing

Let's be honest, ok?

You google yourself. You just do. You're curious. You're intrigued. You're bored. And mostly, you're just vain. But whatevs, no skin off your nose.

And hey, by the same token, you google other people, right? Ex-girlfriends and boyfriends, your family, people you went to high school with, old enemies of yours, new ones... I mean, you'll run anything through trusty old Google.

But what's the most frustrating? When someone comes up with nothing. That always boggles my mind. Like surely, you were in some dumb club in college or h.s. that has a website right? Or you ran in some charity race sponsored by Chili's. Or there's some interview from college with the school newspaper.

Or probably you have some crappy work site that has a dumb picture of you up there. Or of course there's some self-indulgent website like the one you're reading right now. But every once in a while, there's a person who just comes up with:

Your search did not match any documents.

Are these people purposely trying to avoid any sort of web presence whatsoever? These are the people that say they never watch tv. Or they don't see movies. They don't trust computers. They prolly own a typewriter.

But people, you're really hurting yourselves. Because otherwise we can find out some fascinating things. Like for instance, there's this girl I used to hang out with from college. Not only did she win a hundred large on The Weakest Link, now, apparently she's a bodybuilder! How insane is that?

So anyway, what's my point? Put something up on the web. If only so we can find it later. You'll thank me for this later.

Another Storm!

And get this, it's called Hurricane Nate.

HURRICANE NATE INTERMEDIATE ADVISORY NUMBER 8A
NWS TPC/NATIONAL HURRICANE CENTER MIAMI FL
2 PM EDT WED SEP 07 2005

...NATE CONTINUES TO STRENGTHEN SLOWLY...

AT 2 PM EDT...1800Z...THE CENTER OF HURRICANE NATE WAS LOCATED NEAR
LATITUDE 29.4 NORTH... LONGITUDE 66.0 WEST OR ABOUT 215 MILES...
345 KM... SOUTH-SOUTHWEST OF BERMUDA.

NATE IS DRIFTING NORTH-NORTHEASTWARD...AND A SLOW NORTH-
NORTHEASTWARD MOTION IS EXPECTED TODAY AND TONIGHT. ON THE
FORECAST TRACK THE CENTER IS EXPECTED TO PASS NEAR OR JUST SOUTH OF
BERMUDA TONIGHT OR THURSDAY MORNING.

MAXIMUM SUSTAINED WINDS HAVE INCREASED TO NEAR 85 MPH...140
KM/HR...WITH HIGHER GUSTS. NATE IS A CATEGORY ONE HURRICANE ON THE
SAFFIR-SIMPSON SCALE. SOME ADDITIONAL STRENGTHENING IS FORECAST
DURING THE NEXT 24 HOURS.

The Fresher

When I was in London(oh so many years ago), I learned that they called their freshman 'freshers' instead of how we call them 'froshes'. So there's that. But I've been reading Tom Wolfe's last book, "I Am Charlotte Simmons". Which takes place on an ivy-league style school and concerns Charlotte, a frosh.

What makes this all so strange is it's written by Tom Wolfe who is like 70 years old. Apparently, he did a lot of research about it and drew a lot on the experiences of his daugthers including one who goes to Duke.

Now, there are a lot of graphic portions to this novel. Sex scenes and such. So I was wondering---did Tom ask his daugthers about this stuff? Because if so? GROSS!

Can you imagine?

I cannot.

And also, are frats really like that? I went to exactly three frat parties in my life. One was my first weekend at college and I hated it. I didn't drink then so it was particularly miserable. But also I just didn't like the vibe.

The second and third times were when girls asked me to their formals. One a true formal and one a semi-formal. And I guess techinically they were sorority parties so it was different.

Still, I didn't see things going as crazy as Wolfe describes. But maybe I'm just a little sheltered. Or maybe I just didn't really want to be at a party like that. I was at a 'naked' party once and that was very uncomfortable. I didn't get naked in case you were wondering. But some people were and it just came as odd rather than hot.

I think Seinfeld is right and there's good naked and bad naked and standing around having drinks and eating appetizers is bad naked.